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09 November 2011 @ 07:28 pm
as far as the world extends: part v: cor ad cor loquitur  
part v: cor ad cor loquitur (heart speaks to heart)

With Will and Peter gone, most of the people in their makeshift fortress assumed that Alicia and Kalinda were together.

They observed the two of them eating together in silence, the way they seemed to speak without speaking, the way Kalinda watched Alicia carefully and protectively. The members of their little refuge gravitated towards Alicia. Perhaps because she was a face they recognized from the news, seen something vulnerable and human in her and responded to it. Kalinda sometimes wondered if they even thought that Alicia could be someone other than the good wife they saw on their television screens years ago, standing behind Peter so humiliated and dutiful. She'd seen the fire and ice in Alicia's eyes first hand, felt their burn, seen how very ruthless she could be, in court and in life. But still, they would give her smiles, share pieces of chocolate taken from the last raid, giving Kalinda nervous glances like she would bite.

So many of their fellow refugees gabbed about their best zombie kills, the things they missed the most about their old lives or even what happened to their favourite celebrities; filling the bottomless void with meaningless chatter to stave off the crushing despair lurking in the dark corners of the room, waiting to pounce. If nothing else Alicia's quiet demeanor endeared her to them.

Nightmares were incredibly common. Occasionally a scream would pierce the night and they would both bolt upright in bed, hands going to the guns in the schoolroom cubbyholes above their pillows. A few seconds later a call would echo down the hall "All clear. Nightmare." to indicate it was safe to go back to sleep, that the perimeter hadn't been breached.

Kalinda's dreams were vivid and horrific but, unlike so many of the others, they weren't of lost family members or past events but rather her, alone, stuck in a concrete stairwell with a locked door above and a plethora of approaching zombies. Her rifle was empty, her sig sauer knocked from her hand. All that remained was the angry-looking bolo she kept in a sheath on her back. She pulled it out, holding it in front of her like a sword, taking deep breaths in an attempt to tamp down the nearly overwhelming terror clawing its way out of her gut up her esophagus. Sometimes Kalinda would wake up just as the first zombie lunged for her, mangled and decaying hands reaching in front like a toddler after a candy.

Sometimes she didn't and the she could feel every slice the bolo made through the flesh and bone of the zombies until they ultimately overwhelmed her, leaving her defenseless and unable to move. Pinned against the concrete wall she could feel everything as their mouths tore through her skin, her own blood running flooding down her body and the stench of their rotting bodies exacerbating her terror and repulsion as they ripped her apart.

She woke up then, gasping for air as if it truly were her very last breath.

She lay in her bed, a bright red sleeping bag with plaid flannel interior atop a thin foam pallet, staring straight ahead into the darkness.

The soft sounds of weeping sounded louder in the dark. Kalinda turned her head towards the sound. Alicia was crying in her sleep again.

Shimmying out of the sleeping bag Kalinda moved over towards Alicia. She placed her hand gently on her shoulder and loudly whispered her name.

Alicia jerked awake, grabbing Kalinda's wrist tightly like she was going to attack before quickly relaxing as she realized she was safe but she didn't let go of her, maintaining the physical contact like it was her only lifeline. Maybe for her it was.

"It was just a bad dream, Alicia," Kalinda said quietly. "Everything is fine."

She was a superior liar, she knew she was. She slid from lie to lie when investigating a lead as easily as she drew breath but lying to Alicia this way made Kalinda's stomach turn. Nothing was fine. Alicia would never be fine again.

"Thanks," Alicia replied, following the well-worn script they used every time she had a nightmare.

--

The days slid past, their raids much more frequent as winter began to set in. Alicia liked to make the joke that they were all like a scurry of squirrels, gathering up their nuts for a long winter. It may have started as a joke but it was unflinchingly true. They'd begun getting bolder, raiding houses for mattresses and bedding, clean clothes and toothpaste, anything that would keep them warm through the long winter months. One man, Gerry, had even begun gathering up wood for fires on the roof.

"Look what Jeff brought back from the supply raid into town," Alicia said, jubilation in her voice. She held up a large bottle with a gold label - tequila - and a bottle of wine, a pinot noir from the label.

"Tequila, eh?"

"My favourite," Alicia smiled widely. Her eyes sparkled for a moment, all the pain and doubt falling away.

"How'd you get two whole bottles all to yourself?" Kalinda asked with a faux innocence. She smiled at Alicia's devilish smirk.

"I have my ways," Alicia said, unscrewing the lid of the tequila. "I'm very charming."

"Yes, you are," Kalinda agreed. The words came out quietly, maybe little heavily but Alicia seemed too preoccupied to notice.

They took turns swigging directly from the bottle, grimacing at the familiar sharp taste, lamenting the lack of salt and limes after every mouthful.

"I'm glad you're here with me, Kalinda," Alicia said, smiling.

"You think you would have survived without me?" Kalinda smirked wickedly as she said it.

Kalinda's head felt full. She hadn't been this drunk in a very long time and if Alicia didn't stop looking at her like that she was going to do something she would regret.

Alicia shifted closer, not breaking eye contact. The moment stretched out; Alicia dipped her head, much more slowly than she had before their last kiss, giving Kalinda fair warning but no room for escape. It was automatic and surprisingly natural to to meet Alicia's lips. Kalinda felt the familiar stab of lust in her lower belly and quite involuntarily she moved her hands from her sides to Alicia's face.

This time Alicia didn't pull away, instead she kissed her again, more insistently and Kalinda could feel herself being swept up and away. Alicia slipped her tongue into Kalinda's mouth at the same moment she pushed her body against her. Kalinda pulled away, breathing heavily.

Alicia looked even more gorgeous than usual. Her mouth was swollen and red, her eyes bright.

"Alicia," she began.

"No," Alicia cut her off, her eyes sparking. "No, I don't want to talk. I don't want you to tell me this is a bad idea. We're in an abandoned high school, we sit around oiling guns and swords at night. My husband is dead, my boyfriend is dead, my children are dead. I don't want to talk anymore." Her voice cracked slightly at the mention of her children and her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. She put her hands on Kalinda's face, threading her fingers through her hair, and kissed Kalinda again.

This time Kalinda reached up and pulled Alicia to her.

---

It became a routine of sorts. They would turn the lights out and slowly undress each other, kissing like they might die if they stopped.

Despite the nightly sex nothing else changed.

She was still Kalinda, hesitant to share pieces of herself, and she was still Alicia, asking questions and deducing the truth no matter the answers. Alicia never attempted to bring the sort of affection common in relationships and Kalinda didn't either. Neither of them ever confessed their love. Gory specters of loved ones rose from their deathbeds, croaking unintelligible noises as they continued in their new quests to slake the thirst for blood and flesh. This wasn't a place for love.

Alicia was a much rougher lover than Kalinda had expected and she sometimes wondered whether it was the result of their situation or if she had always been like that. She would scrape her nails down Kalinda's back hard enough to draw blood when she came, pull her hair and bite her lips, spurred on by Kalinda's groans.

On occasion, after they had finished and Alicia had fallen asleep, facing outwards, Kalinda would wonder if this was just a diversion to Alicia. If she was just a substitute for Will or Peter or someone to help stave off Alicia's pain over the loss of her children. The very thought made Kalinda's stomach hurt in a way she was entirely uncomfortable with.



to part vi
 
 
 
nessakitty821nessakitty821 on November 10th, 2011 03:24 pm (UTC)
"On occasion, after they had finished and Alicia had fallen asleep, facing outwards, Kalinda would wonder if this was just a diversion to Alicia. If she was just a substitute for Will or Peter or someone to help stave off Alicia's pain over the loss of her children. The very thought made Kalinda's stomach hurt in a way she was entirely uncomfortable with." this is so sad and beautifully written.
softestbullet [dreamwidth.org] on March 27th, 2012 05:07 am (UTC)
"No," Alicia cut her off, her eyes sparking. "No, I don't want to talk. I don't want you to tell me this is a bad idea. We're in an abandoned high school, we sit around oiling guns and swords at night. My husband is dead, my boyfriend is dead, my children are dead. I don't want to talk anymore."

Considering the content, it's shocking how perfect your Alicia voice is. This is EXACTLY what she'd say!